I took this internship to build my resume, to hopefully get a job out of it, and of course to try and make more money than I do serving. So far, it looks like I will make the same if not less amount of cash that I would as a server. I am incredibly stressed out and unhappy there. Everyone is so disconnected. I have a huge amount of work to do with no resources and very little help. Not to mention the fact that I have literally no experience doing what they want me to do so I basically sit in my cubicle for eight hours a day and try and swallow my panic.
I hate the way I feel at this internship: overworked, lonely, and completely erased. No one sees or understands my trans identity. They do not appreciate the work that I have done for them.
I mean, I am grateful because I feel like at least now I know I cannot/will not survive in corporate america, but that makes the future seem so bleak to me. I am so broke and in debt right now. I am more behind on everything because I had three weeks without income due to the transition into my internship. I barely have enough money for rent right now. I feel like I am working so hard and being repaid in stress anxiety and negative monetary returns.
I am failing myself. This job gives me myriad reasons to tear myself apart when I do not need any more of those as it is. I desperately need friendship, but I do not have friends. Everyone is absent. I feel utterly alone and just fucking terrified of what is going to happen in the next few weeks. I am considering ending my internship early, but then I will not be able to pay off my credit card like I planned, or be able to go to Savannah.
I am so upset, and consumed by this weight of my failure in the face of expectations. Worst of all, I continue to spend just days alone with nothing but my own sadness.
Someone, please, help.